While lying down in that hospital bed I was trying to recall what pushed me to take this step , I am I that weak ? Am I that desperate for a man , while I feel rejected , pitied , helpless and numb , I also know that this was an unhappy marriage but I did not vomit all over him with my needs and validation like he did , he chose someone over me and I don't know if it was brave of him to tell me upfront that he is falling for a girl or that he wants to open this marriage up or he was too weak. He did not have any intention to take the responsibility to keep his wife happy by hiding the truth , he was so selfish that he only thought of himself and his midlife crisis , his lack of validation from opposite sex. Though he blurted out the words but he didn't think it through , he thought may be she will understand , she the mature one in this relationship. My ask was that no one takes my place , and by that I think he thought place as wife. May it was ...
This was the first time in my life I might have felt so blank and probably good since I had absolutely no thoughts , for once my brain was just still and all I could see was a white blank space , calm and quite. I was a in interim place of total bliss , where I didn't feel that my head is full , which was a common phrase I was using lately like I am numb with so many thoughts and I seem to have no control over these thoughts which keep pouring in , like a deep deep well and random thoughts keep entering my mind and the atmosphere in the room keeps changing , even before I Can get used to the previous one and it was frustrating but this void where I am is surprisingly the most at peace I have ever been and I didn't wanted to come out of this white box; slowly I can hear the chaos creep in , little bustle and my eyes open to an unfamiliar scene and it took time for me to comprehend that I was in a hospital bed and I see a familiar face through the corner of my eyes and I felt t...